Cat Fever
by Mistlan
Summary: Kakashi starts acting strange after accidentally sniffing an expensive brand of Paint Thinner.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Summary: Kakashi begins to act a little strange after accidentally sniffing mineral spirits. **

**Warning: Kakashi is totally out of Character, but don't worry after his brain gets vented, he'll be back to his cool procastinator self. Besides this is humor so don't take anything that happens here seriously okay?  
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Cat Fever**

**Chapter 1:Awkwaaaaarrrrd**

"Word of advice Kakashi whenever you're in my shop," I explained calmly before yelling, "IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS DON'T SNIFF IT!"

"Oh right," Kakashi choked as he put the lid on Picante Sauce jar I had been using for my highly stinky brush cleaner, "I'll . . . Remember that."

Kakashi tried to smile at me beneath his mask but his crinkling nose made his face look constipated. To me nothing is more stinky than the smell of Salsa and chemical fumes. Compare Kakashi's nose to mine and Kakashi has the nose of a Norwegian Lung hound. Problem is the stronger the nose the stronger the chemical fumes. Heck he was already off balance bouncing out the door grabbing at thin air with his fists.

"Kakashi what are grabbing at?" I wondered.

"Flying piggies!" Kakashi cheered. Oh great those fumes were already fogging up his brain.

"Okay that's it," I fumed, "Hey Murray I'm on break! Can you watch the counter, some ninja accidentally huffed Mineral Spirits again."

"Oakie Doakie," answered Murray. His expressive teal eyes sparkling beneath his mop of amber hair. Yeah Murray is my business partner and best friend. He's a simpleton at times but his loyalty is something I never take for grant it. He'll do anything for someone dear to him if that person is a good cook. Murray took his current knitting project and hopped to the counter. I hung my paint smock at the door and released my black French braid from it's usual bun before I ran after Kakashi. I didn't want the guy to suddenly think he could fly! He'd have been hospital patient number 36 that dived off the Hokage Monument.

ZOOM

Kakashi swayed sideways. I ran out just in time to nab him out of the way of a speeding cart. I'm surprised he was able to keep a hold of his book. He looked so tanked. His lone black eye glazed over by the fuddy-duddiness in his brain.

"Kakashi," I stammered, "Y-you need to sit down."

". . . Huh?" he drawled his eyes glazed over. I don't think Kakashi's fogged mind came back to earth yet.

"Kakashi," I barked pointing to a bench, "Sit!"

WHOMPH

Kakashi flopped down to sit. His behind missed the bench and hit the rocks. He wiped the little pebbles off his hands. He stared in fascination of the little specks of dirt. Kakashi up and giggled. He seriously giggled like a school girl and usually he only does that when reading an erotica scene from the Icha Icha series.

"Tee-hee," He chortled and showed his skinned fingers to me, "Look, I fell on rocks."

"Uh-huh, yeah, not funny," I snorted as I slung his 148 pound frame onto the bench, thankful I didn't stop doing dodge ball to take up knitting, "Kakashi Hatake you're staying here, with me until your brain clears up. No use having a crack happy ninja who walks drunker than a skunk."

"But I'll be laaaate," Kakashi whined. I slumped down beside him on the bench. His brain was really fogged up if he just suddenly wants to be on time. Kakashi just _does not_ do punctuality. If anything the last time he was on time was when Icha Icha Vintage hit the shelves and he ran over thirty thousand different people to get to it. The one thing he did do that was normal (for anyone who accidentally got high) was wobble for about five minutes before he passed out.


	2. Blow up the House

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto and I pride myself on keeping my place secure.

**Note to Self: **Don't ask Clarity for locksmithing advice.

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Cat Fever**

**Chapter 2:Blow up the House  
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It was barely noon when Kakashi finally came to after his huffing adventure. We walked to the gate. Kakashi was four hours. He rehearsed his usual lame excuse. His teammates, Naruto Uzumaki and Sakura Haruno, yelled at him. Sai supposedly wasn't paying attention. He had his nose in a book.

Kakashi took me aside for two minutes asking, "You're not going to tell what I did to the others right?"

The others being pretty much the rest of the Ninja population. Particularly everyone who works in the Mission Room. I could've opened my big yap and said something stupid but that'd only make my lazy friend want to use a earth style jutsu to sink in the ground and die. Kakashi's grip on my shoulder was a little too tight. I could only purse my lips and nod my head, thanking my silent stars that the whole awkward moment finally came to a close.

Yet boy was I wrong when immediately the next morning Naruto came knocking. No, actually he came pounding on my old screen door. I was surprised it didn't fall off the hinges under his fist. I glanced upward; clock said 3:45. I was barely dressed in my usual Kimono Top and cargo pants already, black hair braided nicely so.

"CLARITYYYYY," Naruto yelled, his banging echoing throughout the building.

"Oh hey Naruto," Murray greeted, he barely opened the door when Naruto bounded inside. His orange clothes covered in nicks, skin covered in scratches, and his messy blonde hair looked wilder than usual. His blue eyes lit up something fierce when he immediately went into explanations that had nothing to do with his almost knocking my door down but seemed to have everything to do with flailing arms and darting around the store like a hummingbird on speed.

"Whoa whoa Naruto, slow down," I countered, I offered him a chair and he cavorted onto the counter top to ramble.

If I didn't know any better, my cheek still twitched, I yelled, "Naruto. Sit. Down. Now."

No use; Naruto still went to rambling, "Clarity it's Kakashi-sensei-somethings wrong- he's acting loopy and . . ."

Murray walked in with at least two cups of instant coffee and Ramenya takeout on a serving tray. Naruto halted in his tracks. His head whipped around eyeing the steamy bowl of his favorite soul food. Blue eyes widened to the size of saucers as he watched Murray walk around the room. For added Comical affect Murray plopped down in a cushy chair I usually kept handy and waved the bowl around, steam wafting in waves when Murray took a huge whiff. Naruto decided the conversation wasn't important. He latched onto an arm of the chair and decided to stare at Murray with longing eyes.

Murray's 1 tip . . . Solve any problem with a simple solution.

"You want some?" Murray asked, and as if he didn't even say a word a now calm Naruto who hoisted away the bowl and sat in a chair. No need to be ruckus-y and spill a bowl of good noodles, really.

"So Naruto, start from the top," I stated taking a swig from my coffee cup, "What happened to Kakashi?"

Naruto eyed me for a few short seconds. A noodle hanging out of the corner of his lips before he hesitantly sucked it in. He thumbed his chopsticks. He set the bowl back on the tray. He got up, stretched and set his chopsticks down on the bowl.

"It's better that I show you what happened than just talk about it." Naruto surmised as he grabbed me and dashed. Murray jogged steadily after us.

Kakashi's home is at least two blocks west of the Uchiha District. One person once asked me how do I find people's homes around here? There's not really many signs, or street addresses in the conventional sense on some areas. To find someone's home and I do mean "home" is to know the people. Kakashi has a pack of at least nine nin-dogs that he summons. He's one of the laziest ninjas I've ever met and the only place I've known that lazy dog lover to go was of course right next door to the other jounins in the area.

"Hey Gai-Sensei coming through," Naruto roared a cloud of dust chasing him in his wake.

Maito-Gai, Raidou, Genma, and a surprised Ibiki jumped out of the way as Naruto sped up the stairs. He dragged me along with him. The chaos of barks and shrill baying emanated from the hallway. I barely got to my feet when Naruto screeched to a halt. We got bombarded by Kakashi's Ninken.

"Hey!"

"Kakashi locked himself inside!"

"He won't come out!"

"He won't come out!"

"Kakashi locked himself inside," the nindogs, at least the talkers, kept barking like this for five minutes. I barely got time to dust myself when Bull decided to leap and land Ka-thud right . . . On . . . My . . . Back; ouch.

"Woof-woof hah woo-woo-woof! Woo-woof! Woo-woof-woof! Bow Bow Woof!" Bull kept explaining a horrible thing. Too bad I didn't understand a word he was saying. I don't quite speak dog. Bull is the only non talker in the group. He is a huge onyx colored 150 pound Bull Dog with the kind of bulk that can put a mastiff to shame. Unfortunately, animal summons can talk quite fluently and/or perfectly understand what everyone meant. I nodded my head listening to him bark, each staccato breath ruptured my hearing.

"Ow . . . Um . . . Okay . . . I'm guessing Kakashi locked himself in and locked you guys out, no?" I surmised, pretending to understand. Bull sat back panting happily his black tail thumping on the ground as in "Yes, yes, yes."

"So . . . How come no one else is freaked out by this?" I asked turning to the little pug Pakkun, with his perpetual grimance; I couldn't tell if he was worried or annoyed.

Pakkun shrugged stating, "I don't know. First Kakashi summoned us and then he ran away."

"He ran away?" I barked, I hid my grin when all the dogs, Pakkun, Bull, Urushi, Shiba, Akino, Uhei, and Guruku, all looked at me with a serious faces. I couldn't help chortling, it was hilarious. Kakashi works with dogs and from personal experience, I know Konoha dogs are friendly, very friendly.

"Pah-hahahahaha . . . Ahem . . . Sorry . . . It's funny." I laughed. Kakashi's neighbors looked at me like I was nuts before going about their day.

"It is a serious matter Clarity and this isn't like Kakashi to do this," Akino growled he looks like a tan version of Ebisu with the glasses except he's much more calm, "Kakashi sealed the door so not even the slug Sannin herself could bash it down with preternatural strength. Everyone's tried everything. Kakashi didn't just lock the door, he sealed it with advanced Ninjutsu."

I barely brushed my fingers across the door only to feel it hum with electricity. Lightning Release had always been the Hatake family element. A peek through the door jam and Kakashi already had at least several thousand locks in place; paranoid much? Something was up; my mind flitted back to the time Kakashi sniffed the paint cleaner in my shop but that was impossible. There was no way any of that stuff could pose a health risk.

**Meanwhile at Sai's Apartment**

Sai was listening to the radio while setting out oil paints. He bustled around, wondering if he should use the Raw Sienna or Cadmium Red. He had all his stuff laid out. His canvas freshly gessoed. Just when he was about to unscrew the top of a tube the radio blared.

"Now hear this, Now hear this," blared the Radio announcer, "There has been a world wide recall across the country for Meow Mix ™ Mineral Spirits. Painters from all the great Shinobi Nations have called in saying that they've found people after sniffing those caustic fumes have been meowing, purring and sitting their butt in important secret documents that have yet (meaning never) will be exposed to the public. At this time, if you do have Meow Mix ™ Mineral Spirits. Please dispose of it properly."

Sai looked over the jug of Meow Mix ™ Mineral Spirits he had beside his paint tray. His eyes taking in the package with a look of secluded cunning. He knew Danzo-sama would love a jug of his own. With it, he could trick the Hokage into taking a whiff. Send a barking Tapir after her, or a dog to chase her out of the village. Than Danzo would elect himself as the next Hokage and everyone will be too embarrassed to oppose him in any other way. While Sai was wondering what to do this "Miracle Drug" as Danzo-sama would've called it he heard a loud bang. All his plans went flying out the window as he himself jumped from rooftop to rooftop to the plume of smoke coming from Kakashi's house.

**Now Back to the Fun Stuff**

A huge smoking crater stood where the door used to be. Oh well, bye-bye went the front of the Hatake house. Murray put away the hose. Naruto looked like he set the whole world on fire. I could feel a familiar presence of Sai jumping to the hallway where the roof used to be. The Ninken all stared boggle eyed at the big gaping hole.

"You blew up his house?" Urushi scolded, "You blew up his stinking house?"

"Ah, ah, ah," I chided, "_We _did not burn down the whole building. We just put a water hose and rasengan to the door."

"You blew up his house," Pakkun toned.

"I did not blow up his house," I snapped, "I fixed it."

"Yeah right," remarked Shiba, "Even if that was an ugly door."

"It wasn't ugly, it was Maplewood," Akino countered.

"Woo-woof!"

"Bull's right," Uhei translated, "A door's a door."

"Yay!" Murray cheered, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN! Who's up for the kitchen."

"NO!" All the nin-ken cried except for Bull who howled piteously.

"You want to blow up his house again?" Urushi roared, "We keep our doggy treats there!"

Naruto dashed into the house, focusing more on his friend than the fact he just helped blow at least three hundred years worth of engineering to smithereens. A bit of rubble here. He pushed away a bit of support beam there. More of the ceiling came crashing down as a result revealing Kakashi Hatake cloying to the unbroken part of the ceiling. His lone eye wide with horror.

"You see that," Urushi sarcastically sneered, "You see that, now he's traumatized. Thank you Clarity you were a big help."

"I don't think he's traumatized," Murray offered, to which 11 and a half pairs of eyes turned to look at him. Well make that 10. Naruto just tripped over a dog toy in the rubble.

"How could someone not be traumatized from a blown up house?" Naruto asked ignoring the fact he was too interested in the dog toy to actually look at anything.

"Because Traumatized people don't move," Murray explained and sure enough, Kakashi landed gracefully on the floor. Naruto noticed the dog toy had something sticky all over it. He squeezed it once; nothing. He squeezed it again.

SQUEEEEEAK

All eight nin-dogs' heads snapped to attention. The loud squeak caught their ears. Naruto finally got bored with the toy. He glared at it and tossed the sticky thing behind him. The toy, landed on Kakashi's pants.

"Ahhhhhh!" Kakashi yowled and I kid you not he actually yowled bolting further up the ceiling and out an open window.

Fun Fact: Anyone whoever said Dogs can't climb, never really looked at the dog.

Kakashi went sailing out the window. Pakkun; dangling on his pants with his teeth wrapped onto the dog toy. The rest of the smaller dogs bounding into little blurs. Bull glided with the grace of a floppy blimp. All of us bounded outside while Naruto took two jumps before going airborne. Sai silently followed the whole time leaving us two civilians eyeing the bouncing blurs at a more sedate pace.

"Whelp Murray," I stated, "It's official, Kakashi is acting weird. Problem is if he's not traumatized, how did you know he was afraid of his own dogs?"

"Oh that's easy," Murray announced, "He locked his own dogs out! We didn't see anyone else wanting to get in."


End file.
